8 Reasons Why Clavicular Is The Greatest Hasbarist Of The 21st Century
We should really be calling him Tzadikular
Clavicular came to Israel, and it resulted in another meltdown, mostly from left-wing Israeli journalists and childless Zionist influencers who also happen to be angry at their ex-boyfriends. Unfortunately, they’re not seeing the bigger picture. Here’s why they’re wrong, and why Clavicular is actually the greatest Hasbarist of the 2020s:
1. Israeli chicks are REALLY hot
Let’s get this one out of the way right off the bat since it’s so obvious that I hardly need to say it. But like, bro, Israeli chicks are HOT. I know this because when I worked at Camp Tikun Olam on Lake Jesus a few years back, I exclusively tried to bang the shlichim and I bagged at least three of them, four depending on what you consider sex. Anyone who went to Jewish summer camp who wasn’t a loser knows what I’m talking about.
But if you never went to summer camp, just Google “dancing IDF girls” and you’ll see what I mean. Don’t Google “dancing Israelis” that will bring up something else.
When Clav comes to Israel to fuck our women, this, to me, is what Hasbara is all about. He’s showing the world just how hot our women are, and Arabs dressed in garbage bags just can’t handle that, which leads us to point #2.
2. This could never happen in Gaza
Clavicular is just like a Pride parade, when you think about it. The fact that Clavicular can come to Israel and fuck IDF chicks is something that would NEVER be allowed in Gaza under Hamas’s Sharia law. They’d probably throw him off a building (in online lingo we call this a TRVKE). The fact that Israel doesn’t do this is something we should celebrate, and Clavicular is proving to the world that this difference is real and important, giving Israel the morale high ground.
3. We need to win over Gen Z
We all know what’s going on: Gen Z is totally antisemitic. It’s like Jews are Poland, caught between half of Gen Z that is Hitler’s Germany and the other half that is Stalin’s Russia, and if we don’t stop them, they’re going to Krakowpen our Danzig IDF chicks mentioned above by force (Blitzkireg). In fact, Germany just recorded its highest number of antisemitic incidents in a single year ever. That’s how bad it is. Clavicular is very popular with Gen Z and can help us win over the youth.
4. It’s better optics than rubble
Let’s be honest; all those pictures of dead kids in Gaza… Not a good look man. I mean it was all justified/accidental/Hamas’s fault/funny but it would probably be best if people spent more time focusing on Clavicular in Israel than Israelis in Gaza.
5. Imagine if the roles were reversed
Imagine, for a moment, that an Israeli travelled all the way across the Mediterranean and the Atlantic Ocean to America just to have sex with American sluts, and Americans got pissed off. That would be antisemitic. What would even be the point of all these Hasbara galas and meetups if we couldn’t fuck random goyim kadoshim who support our movement?
It’s very important that we don’t be hypocrites here.
6. He improves the Tel Aviv beach
Everyone knows that Israeli men are kinda creepy and rapey. We’ve all seen those pictures of the soldiers wearing women’s clothes in Gaza, and of course, that incident with that Israeli AEPi guy and that one Hillel chick. You know the one. In fact, a poll that’s frequently distributed around Watermelon Twitter says [REDACTED]% of Israeli men think it’s [REDACTED] to have [REDACTED] with a [REDACTED] even if she says [REDACTED]. As I said before, not a good look. Clavicular is always a gentleman and lends some much-needed class to the place.
7. Clavicular is good for the economy
Israel’s tourism industry has gone down the tube in recent years. In 2019, the industry produced over $8 billion for the national economy. By 2025, that number barely broke $3 billion.
Assuming Clavicular paid insane prices for plane tickets, fancy restaurants, upscale hotels, and nightclub cover, along with getting scammed at every shop he went to, it’s possible he contributed as much as $20,000 to Israel’s economy, a 0.0007% boon to Israel’s struggling tourism sector.
8. Clavicular will help send dozens of students to Yeshiva
Building on my last point, $20,000 is enough to fund the welfare for 83 Yeshiva students across the State of Israel for an entire year. Think of what these poor kids would have to be doing if Clavicular weren’t funding their Talmud studies. We should all be thanking him, really.
Beau Chasse